BOO- Eliza Jane Schaeffer

Uncertainty scares me the most. This core fear has manifested itself in several different ways. 

First, I am scared of death. The idea the one day you can see and run and breathe and laugh and all of a sudden, nothing. Or that your loved one could be formulating unique thoughts and pumping blood one moment and the next, their brain is blank and their skin is cold. What happens to them? Not their body, but who they are, them? I don't know, and that's why it's scary. 

Second, I am scared of the idea of life. That seems so silly to say, I know, but I am. Why can I taste, see, move, talk, think? Yes, it's because my sensory organs are stimulated and neurotransmitters carry the message to the blah blah blah. But why? For what purpose? Why humans? When the sperm fertilized my mother's egg and they combined to create the unique creature that I am, why me? Why this combination? No one knows, it just is. But that answer doesn't satisfy me. Whenever I think about it, I get panicky, so I try not to think about it. 

Third, I am scared of the future. I don't know what I want to do with my life and that uncertainty scares me. Usually, I just try not to think about it, which has proven to be a fairly effective coping strategy.