Changes-Maya Creamer

         When dining at my favorite restaurants, I am forced to deal with lazy, incompetent, inconsiderate people who call themselves "waiters" and "waitresses". All I want is to eat a nice meal that my mom didn't make, but these imbeciles just ruin it. They can never get my order right, and it takes them forever just to bring me my food; because of their extremely slow pace, my food is lukewarm by the time I eat it. How hard is it to bring ten full plates of food to three different tables on opposite sides of the restaurant in five minutes? And having a waiter walk up in the middle of your conversation to ask about the quality of your food and refill your empty cup is so annoying. Don't they understand how rude and inconsiderate they're being? Wait until I stop talking and shove some more food in my mouth, so I don't have to talk to you! And don't even get me started on how hard it is to flag down a waiter when you need something. Hello, a paying customer needs you right now! I'm not going to tip if I'm not satisfied.
         The only way to solve this problem is to require that waiters and waitresses remain silent unless spoken to, and only come to the table when they are called or flagged down. They should wear a small shock collar, much like a dog, that jolts them if they speak of their own accord, interrupt a customer's dining experience, or don't immediately head to a customer's table when they call. A needy customer should be their priority, and they should focus solely on each customer; if someone needs a glass of water, they should stop what they're doing to get them one. They will become trained to do exactly as the customer wants, when they want it, thus enhancing rather than hindering their dining experience. Everybody wins-the customer doesn't have to deal with the nuisances that are waiters, and the waiters learn discipline and earn bigger tips from their happy customers.