"I never had to choose my subject- my subject rather chose me"- Eliza Jane Schaeffer

Fears: dying, being inadequate, loneliness 

Annoyances: slow walkers, hypocrites, people who are overly idealistic

Accomplishments: being able to make people feel happy

Confusions: how anyone could enjoy someone else's pain

Sorrows: I miss Tanner, the misunderstanding/polarization in politics, where the health care system is going

Dreams: running for office, being the head of a nonprofit, being optimistic 24/7, not needing sleep

Idiosyncrasies: I cry very easily 

Risks: I'm not much of a risk-taker 

Beloved Possessions, Now and Then: then my American girl dolls, now my dog

Problems: Trying too hard to be perfect, too high expectations, forgiving people too easily, I like too many things

I am going to expand on my problems, specifically the fourth one. 

I am very lucky that the worst problem I have is that I want to do too much. However, that does not make my dilemma any less frustrating. 

I want to be with my friends and have fun and be social because it helps me relax. I want to study hard and do all my homework and do well in school because I love learning and I like A's. I want to get a job so I have extra money and can contribute to the local economy. I want to spend my free time giving back to my community because nothing makes me happier than making someone else smile. I want to make a difference. I want dedicate my time to my sport, so I can do well. I want to bake cookies and brownies and cakes because it's fun. 

I want to sleep because it's necessary for my sanity. I want to babysit because I love little kids. I want to spend time with my family because they deserve some demonstration of appreciation. I feel particularly horrible about this because I hardly have time for them anymore. I want to be a journalist, I want to be a psychologist, I want to be a physical therapist, I want to do pharmaceutical research, I want to be a politician. I also want to move out west and hike the PCT and be a guide for an outdoor adventure company. 

This is problematic. 

There are so many options, and I love them all, so how can I choose? I wish I could live my life several times through and choose a different path each time. Whatever I choose, I will regret because I will have to miss out on another opportunity. Sorry this blog post wasn't the most well-written. It's hard to be eloquent when venting.