The Future - Kevin LaZur

Chronicling the major assessments throughout the year from each class period individually in my head, I realize that I haven't enough effort into any of the classes to give a performance that I could (or should) be proud of.  You could say that I'm not happy with my academics because I didn't put any work into it, but I might argue that you have it backwards. Looking over everything I've done this year, my growth as a musician is what I'm most proud of (relative to my nonexistent happiness for other accomplishments). This is especially great, because I don't plan on going to college for a musical degree. Maybe I care exclusively about things that don't matter. I'm not going to go into detail on my progress in music, because I'm certain that saying I "independently study music" would sound synonymous with a conceded statement such as "I'm special because I spend my time on something different" 

 

While I don't have much to brag about, there isn't a lot I can say that I've completely failed at. I think the concept of failure is relative, and made up of mistakes; my threshold for how much I can slip up before I "fail" is no doubt larger than the threshold of many people I know. I also have friends that look at my life as a huge success, where my mistakes are minimal in comparison to theirs. This notion that smaller mistakes lead to total failure seems to only make sense in the absence of larger mistakes that constitute failure in themselves. My point is that, excluding an interpersonal communication error or two (which don't matter in the grand scheme of things), I haven't made any one big mistake to feel shame over, and I'm skating just below the point where my numerous mistakes make me feel like a failure. Or perhaps I have experienced a mistake large enough to be considered a failure many times, and I just don't see it that way.  

 

If I took more risks, I would no doubt have more to write about in the successes and failures instead of my absence of both. It all ties together quite nicely, and it originates from how I don't care enough about the opportunity for success to create a chance for failure, aka taking risks.

 

I'm not writing a paragraph for every topic, because I think I can sum up the other 4 I have neglected  pretty well in one. Lessons learned: none that will help me in school. I'm too stubborn to learn how to stop procrastinating, and think for the future in general. Because of this, I cannot sufficiently share any plans for the future. I don't want to bore you with my timid ideas of how the next few years of my life are going to go, but I think this picture can depict how I am thinking better than any words can describe