How to play the drums (how to hit things with other things at a specific speed)
1. Develop your inner metronome: For this I recommend listening to a lot of music; if you have been recreationally listening to music for a significant amount of your life then I think you're fine. If not, then I alternately recommend finding a metronome (digital or otherwise) and listening to it for long periods of time. Maybe fall asleep listening to a metronome, and try to keep insanity at bay at least until you learn to drum properly.
2. Learn about music, mainly rhythm: If you have already studied music you can skip this step. The key to drumming is knowing the structure of rhythm, and to be able to visualize this while you play. You don't even need to learn about musical notes, you just need to know how to count. I can't teach it all to you here, so go talk to your local band director and get all the information you need. I'm sure if you ask him in a way that makes you sound eager to soak up every ounce of musical knowledge you can get, he would gladly sit down and tell you about whole notes, half notes, quarter notes, and all of the rest.
3. Exercise your wrists: Before even getting behind the drum set, you have to make sure you have the muscles capable of throwing down those steady beats because it is very, VERY important to be perfectly in time. My favorite drummer, a very talented individual named Ringo Starr, is said to be considered a human metronome. That man is the best drummer you will ever hear. Now, you're not going for the fastest speed here, leave that to the professionals. Do you know where they started? Steady drumming. Don't push your wrist muscles, instead refine them to comfortably move at a constant rate. If you can get 2 notes per beat (those are eighth notes) at 100 beats per minute, you're doing fine. And be sure to listen to that good old metronome while you exercise, you want your inner metronome to fuel your muscle memory. I recommend using small free weights, and simply curling your wrists. You can do palm faced up and palm faced down.
4. Exercise your feet: You have to use both feet while playing the drums, one to keep the hi-hat closed or open, and one to use the bass drum. It's all in the calves, baby. At any good gym you'll find a calf-raise machine. It is your new best friend. So plug up that sweet metronome from your phone right into your earholes, and lift those calves with all the rhythm you can muster.
5. Let the battering commence: You're finally ready to get onto the drumset. Really prepare yourself, and take in every detail from the elegant combination of percussive instruments, from the difference of size between the crash cymbal and the ride cymbal, to the subtle differences between the high, mid, and floor toms. Now pick up your drumsticks, and place your feet onto the hi-hat and bass pedals. Let your instincts take over, and bash away in perfect time. Release every animalistic urge, every cognitive tension that you have bottle up. Get mad! Tell those drums that you know your rhythm, and you're going to let everyone in a half-mile radius know too!! Yell out the counts of the beats at the top of your lungs!! Let the musical knowledge propel your arms down and clobber that tiny circular pad in evenly spaced intervals!! You're a master of rhythm!!!!!!!
